Through the “Scary Door”
Research shows that right around the age of 25, our brains become fully developed, fully matured. We start to question and take a deeper look at where we are, how we got here, why we did what we did to get here, and if we want to keep going with this trajectory. It’s almost as though a veil is lifted, and we see our life through fresh eyes. Because these aren’t just questions about your physical location, although that is part of it. They are more so about where you are and how you are doing emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
And, whoa are these some difficult questions, almost too overwhelming to even start contemplating sometimes. Yet here we are hitting our late twenties, the downward slope to 30, societal pressure to have our lives together, and on top of all that, we are contemplating these questions that give us extra anxiety. *crawls underneath weighted anxiety blanket & sips bedtime tea* Seriously though, I am writing this while covered by my weighted blanket. And for good reason!
For the last year, I feel as though I am asking myself so many questions like these. And, not just in one area of my life, but in ALL areas of my life. Yes, I always ask a lot of questions, and my curiosity runs rampant every second of every day, but these ‘hit different’. These questions are inward facing and prompt honest answers. Oftentimes even prompt brutally honest conversations with myself regarding the answers I uncover. The questions swim around in my mind over and over until the lightbulb goes off and I finally figure out the answer, or the motivation behind my actions. I feel as though if you were to look into my brain you would see my emotions are running around all over the place trying to figure out what the hell is going on. It would look like the movie Inside Out.
I was paddle boarding with my dear friend last weekend and we got on this topic. We were talking through some of the questions we are currently wrestling with when he turned to me, looked into my soul without blinking, and asked, “Katey, what is the scary door? And why do we not go through it?” I was speechless for a good 5 minutes. The emotions in my mind frozen and wide-eyed in panic and astonishment.
See, these questions that start to creep into our minds at this age present us with many “scary doors”. Doors that lead to answers and insight into our own minds, our own journeys, our own actions. Doors that we find hard to open and face what’s on the other side. Could be faith, could be grief, could be your career, could be your physical or mental health, etc.
So, what is your scary door, and why haven’t you walked through it? Opened it? What scares you so much about confronting that part of yourself? About confronting that part of your mind?
Are you scared that you’ll realize you are meant for more than what you are doing right now? Are you scared to lose people in your life if they don’t like the transformation that may happen after you go through the door? Are you scared to realize that the person you are dating isn’t right for you? Are you scared because you just don’t fucking know what to expect and you don’t want to feel out of control of your life? Do you just plain not want to go through because it will require work and the mental capacity that may very well empty your cup right now? Yeah, me too.
It is distressing to ask yourself the tough questions. It is terrifying to not feel in control. It is alarming to realize there are doors you aren’t willing to open quite yet. It is disturbing to realize that if you don’t face them, they will come back with a ferocity. It is petrifying to realize that how you are going through life isn’t how you want to continue. That what you’ve valued and held dear, isn’t what you need anymore, doesn’t serve you anymore.
And, what good can come of this? The awe-inspiring strength in taking a deep breath and peek around the door frame. The beauty in opening that damn door and walking through blind to what will come after you take the first step inside. The honor in trusting God’s plan enough to face what is on the other side. The story in the journey of self-discovery and self-actualization you’ll be taken on.
So, if you are at this point in life, if you are looking at your life through a different perspective, then cheers to kicking down the door, or simply peeking inside. Because God’s got control. God’s piecing together the puzzle pieces. God’s walking next to you.
Own the journey, own what happens after taking the first step.
Confidently,
Katey
