Balance Between Give & Take
As I am sure many people could agree, we are constantly learning lessons in the confusing world of relationships. Any kind of relationship; family, friend, romantic, you name it. So naturally I have been working through major lessons the last few years, not actually realizing the underlying theme until recently… That theme, that valuable lesson, being there is a beautiful and fragile balance between give and take. And I am not just talking about physical gifts. I am talking about things more precious. Time and energy. Emotional and mental give and take.
We all have a “cup”. That cup can be filled by doing things that give us joy, being around people who make us genuinely smile, and being our authentic selves. But it can also be drained. Whether that be activities we don’t particularly enjoy, being around people that we don’t vibe with, or putting on masks to fit in.
The principle is apparent in our relationships with other people. Every interaction and conversation flowing to and from our one cup.
Some people give. They ask how your heart is, drop things to help you out, and show up for you. They fill your cup.
Other people take. They don’t ask about you, they don’t help when you need them, and they don’t show up… But they expect others to show up for them. They drain your cup.
There’s a balance in every single relationship. Sometimes, you listen to your friend or significant other and let them lean on you. And sometimes, you need that person to do the same for you. The exchange of love, energy, time, appreciation, and support from one person to another. Healthy relationships have an awe-inspiring flow.
What creates toxicity is being too far on either side. The taker side of it is obvious, right? A person can be so much of a taker that they never give anything back and end up driving away people that care about them. But the same is true for always giving, pouring from an empty cup, and letting people take more from you than they give. You can’t keep that up for very long before you have nothing left.
And if you don’t know which you are, it is time for an honest conversation with yourself. It is time to ask the people around you and you may be shocked by their response. You may not even be aware that you were taking more than you were giving. Or you may be shocked that you were pouring from an empty cup for so long that you don’t even know what, or who, fills it anymore.
So, who in your life is taking more than they give? Who in your life do you have a beautifully balanced flow with? Do you even know where you stand in other’s eyes? Do you even know where your cup is at?
It is easy to just go through the motions of the day. Not realizing what, or who, drains you and what, or who, fills your cup. Once you slow down for just a few minutes to look at it, you’ll clearly see the relationships in your life and where your cup is. I’ve been consciously, and subconsciously, practicing this. Practicing the ability to always know where my cup is at. Checking in with myself and being honest about what I need. Knowing myself well enough to hold people at arm’s length that only take from me and never give back. Knowing myself well enough to stay close to people that I give as much as they ask of me.
This is different than “keeping score”. Keeping score in a relationship isn’t healthy. If you have a healthy balance, you wouldn’t feel like you needed to keep score in the first place. This mindset is being aware of yourself and the people you allow in your life. How they make you feel, how they show up and show you love.
We all need people in our lives that make being around them feel effortless. Because as much as you need people to lean on and be there for you, they also need someone to lean on and be there for them.
After all, that’s what Jesus does for us. Jesus gives endlessly to us, and in return he asks for us to love him and the people around us. That love and balance is poetic. And that exquisite example is something to emulate with the people we hold dear.
So, know yourself, know how full your cup is, and know when you are leaning far to one end of the spectrum. Find that harmonious balance between give and take.
Confidently,
Katey
