Little Romances
Do you ever find yourself falling completely in love with moments? Moments of what feel like prolonged time? Moments that are suspended in air, burn so bright, and float away as quickly as they came? Moments of romanticized time and emotion?
I see these moments as worth romanticizing, worth dwelling in, worth reliving in my mind over and over again, as if I can will them back into existence.
They are moments that fully transport you back to the exact time and place, the exact moment itself. They make you so emotional, and as soon as you take yourself back out of the memory, you have this pit in your stomach at the thought of not being able to pause that moment forever. So, you just close your eyes, relive it one last time, and move on.
I relive these on constant repeat, some more than others knowing the potential story they could have told if we had the chance to live them, if we chose differently after that moment stopped.
The handsome man I met while traveling, and the unspoken hope we would be brought back together in the future. The hand holding, smiles, and laughs with a gentleman while walking a new city, wanting to somehow change flights and distances. The gaze held of a stranger walking opposite directions in the airport, only smiles and stolen second glances exchanged with a look of longing lingering between us as we walk further apart. The slight touch of a hand from someone I find beautiful in so many ways, but I know will never be ready. The gentleman you pull onto the dance floor, the evening before morning flights, spent like we were long lovers, and the promises made that we knew we couldn’t keep. The prolonged goodbye hug from someone I think I will never see again unless the stars align perfectly, and the unspoken agreement in the harsh truth we both hate to say aloud.
Just writing a few of them out has little silver tears of joy and sorrow building in my eyes. Some of these little romances occurred with the same person. Some hurt more than others. Some make me want to go back and look into that person’s eyes one more time, or just see their smile in that same time and place.
All of these little romances create a landslide of emotion. A landslide of feeling everything at once.
The thing is, the person in each one of them never feels unknown now that it ended. They feel like mine. Our fleeting moment made just for us two. As if our souls made a pact to find each other in the next life, determined to see, hear, and feel one another for just one more millisecond. Determined to have one more opportunity to be in suspended time, or to change the outcome. Sometimes wishing circumstances were different and God’s plan included more of each other.
These moments in time feel forever mine. They make me wish I had multiple timelines to live at once. Like the books where you can pick the next decision and go back to read what would have happened if you chose another path. The moment itself begging for its own potential story to be told and lived out. The moment itself begging God to intervene and intertwine our journeys once more, or for a full lifetime.
The thought of them, the pure emotional poetry, the movie-like scenes, all vying to be the main plot of your unwritten story in a parallel life. Or to be rekindled in the future of this one.
So many unanswered questions and hopes of the period turning into an ellipsis. So many moments we wait for fate and time to fall in love again.
Oh how captivating our memories are, and how much hope propels us to a better story right after we are released.
Confidently in my feels,
Katey